Antique Lace

Spider man!

Well.
I'm happy, I guess. Does this make me happy?

I went to bed at seven last night and woke up at three-thirty and got to RP like always.
Things don't make me sad anymore; does that mean I'm not depressed? Is this what it feels like to be normal? I don't think I like it. It's just- this unending feeling over mild-contentment.

I think I'm happy becuase I've begun to forget things. I forget people and events and everything- so I'm happy because I think things are nice, when they aren't. It's the uttermost bizzare feeling but I suppose I can get used to it easily enough.

Hannah flipped out and I was kind of unsure what to do, because (obviously) I wanted to comfort her, but I knew (half the world) would come to her rescue. She's just really loved like that- so I stayed away. But in any case I feel kind of bad because seeing Hannah like that almost made me happy- to know she's real, anyways. But it made me really worried because Hannah is Hannah and she's our beam and we all depend on her, even if we won't admit it. And if our beam broke- heaven forbid -we'd all be screwed.

Hannah, I'm sorry- I think the paint is chipping- we can see the broken spots now. I'll get more paint.

Otherwise, my life is like whoa. Just yes. It's alright, as it were- not good, not bad. Just there. I'm probably failing half my classes, but I don't care! <333

It's so nice to be apathetic to everything.
Kate is eating food more now, and she's getting breasts again, which is very relieving.

As for Paige, I'm kind of scared for her. She pops those pills like candy and I think she knows they scare people which is why she does it, and some day she's gonna regret it when her liver fails.

I love Paige, really, but some times I think she really starves for attention and I find it annoying. I doubt that's really it and I'm just being bitchy. But I guess I don't want Paige to really hurt that bad that she takes pills to kill it.

Paige, I'm so sorry. I wish you would tell someone what's wrong.

I feel horridly.. depressed at the moment and wanting to sleep, badly. Things aren't bad but I feel sad about things that I can't control.

Like the two people I know who've been raped. I thought about it in the shower yesterday- two days ago, now -and wanted to do something about it. I know two people- two girls who've been raped and I can't begin to tell you how much this makes me hurt.
Two people I love, dearly. Even if one of you hates me and the other I've never even met in real life- it just made me so incredibly sad. And now the whole idea of Kakashi Gaiden is making me cry and not because it's sad but because it has to do with memories and they are something I treasure more than anything. I'd hate to loose them and I'd just as soon die as give even one up.

That faded quickly; I still am sad but not crying anymore. Things are weird and I need to sort out what's going on with Haku, but the best way to do that is to just let it roll.

Sing to me- I don't want to wake up on my own anymore. (Don't feel bad for me.) I want you to know. (I want you to know.)

I really want to go.

What's your favorite vacation destination?

Any place at the beach. I love the beach because I can just sit there and do nothing. I love the sound of water and the feel of sand and the salt. And god just everything. It's so pretty.

..Arhwrasfsdglekthe.

I got an iPod. Real nice, one of the brand new models. <3

I'm kinda happy but at the same time it's just mild content apathy anger stuff like it always is. I hate the smell of bacon more than you could possibly imagine. It's so thick and gross.

Seven, six, five, four and I'm all over you.

I used to listen to this song over and over and over and over again at my mum's. She called today to ask me if I missed them. I want to say I do but I'm not sure. I feel really bad. I do miss my siblings but I think it's for their best intrest I don't live there. I miss Moira and I'm not sure I miss Harry, only because I never really did much with him other than fight. I kind of miss my mum but things always go wrong so I can't really try. I don't miss being at home because there are too many memories I'd rather not have.

I've got a gut feeling.

I love this song and I don't know why. It's not  very good but I like it more than you could imagine. (that seems to be a popular phrase tonight with me, I'm sorry.)

I want to write more but I can't. I'm sorry. I feel like a flake. I really am. I've got a D in history and I'm failing japanese already but I don't really care. this is going to be the downfall of me, I think. I'm sorry. I wish I was diligint and smart.

I still enjoy Bohemian Rhapsody a lot.

So like- today was Stumpy's Party and of course I didn't want to go at first but I went to the mall with Mariso and had a lot of fun. We got her a plastic arm from the Halloween Store and it was beautiful.

I have realized the never-ending beauty that is Shaquoliver. She is probably the craziest person other than Lee. I like her a lot. The party was good and Stumpy looked happy people showed and I'm glad they did. So like today was really nice and I was going to talk about everything that happened but all in all it was good.

We prank called some people and one got really pissy and called us "terrorists" "fucking nasty russians" and a few other slurs that I don't care to repeat. It was sad.

I am in a good mood.
It's crazy; the weather here is wonderful. Absolutly s p e c t a c u l a r.
Soooo- like. Today was good all-around. And like- zomg. I'm sitting in Anime club next to that one really tall, really pretty-eyed girl and we were watching Ouran Host Club(!) and I put my cumpled-up wrapper in her pizza box, and she throws it at me. And it hits me in the eye, so I'm like, "Aaah! Itaiii~!" and she looks at me and starts fussing; "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" and after a minute, she says, "It wasn't supposed to go there!" And zomg. We just sat there for a moment, and burst into laughter. It was beautiful.

And then like- I'm walking back from talking with Tania and Hannah and Scarlet about porn or Russians or something and Jahaila waves over to me, and says "You wanna hear something funny?"  and being cheeky, I replied "Does it have anything to do with your face?"
"Not this time; I was just about to ask you if you wanted to do a church thing with me."

And we just sat there laughing for like- ten minutes. "It's called Lock Down and they lock you inside a church for thirty hours." and it was so beautiful. "Yea- you can watch me writhe on the floor." It was glorious. Absolutly.

And like- the weather is so nice and I got paid and like- I want an iPod; maybe I can make a deal with my dad. And zomg. They've made the shuffle  even smaller. It's fucking crazy. The price dropped on the 2G, which is beautiful. Hopefully I can get one. They come in the colours a Mini did, which is cool; but I think I'll get white again. Blue is pretty enticing,.. Naw. I want white, I'm pretty sure.

Anyhow. Life is good it seems and that's really nice for once. I'm probably going to fail my history class but I hate sullivan so he can go suck pussy. 

La la la.
Oh- Video Killed the Radio Star.

(The boat, you know she's rockin' it. And the truth, well you know there's no stoppin' it.)

I really wish I could write better. It's one of those things I would kill to be able to do.
I have a random need for high-energy rock music, if that makes sense. Stuff like "Dance, Dance" and Marilyn Manson, which makes me angry in the slightest.

I enjoy cold weather a lot more than I should. It puts me on edge; I like that feeling a lot. I'm not feeling as sick as before, to my luck. I still get a little dizzy, but for the most part things are alright. I hate school because I hate the other kids. Especially the  freshman I find myself a part of. The teachers aren't so bad, I like Mr. Roberts a lot. It's fun to think he has a man-lover. I like to imagine he's got some really wonderful partner and he is a writer who's working on a book right now. So he stays at home and makes Mr.Roberts breakfast and does the dishes and walks their dog every morning, stopping only talk to the old ladies he sees.

Mr. Sullivan can go die in a ditch for all I care. He's an asshole for the most part. Mr. Flissinger gives me artistic jive, so I look forward to that class. I don't think I care for my other teachers enough to remember them. I don't like being seated at the back of Kumagai's class, and knowing her I'll be stuck there all year. That really blows.

Survived abortion.
A rebel from the waist down~

Rally's are fun if you don't think about them. But in general I like to think that I do such, and so I didn't entirely enjoy it. The drill team was incredibly arousing, though. God. That was just. Sex to music.

Er.

Yea.

Chris clings to me and I don't like it. I mean, I like Chris a lot but he doesn't have many other friends which makes me sad because I'm just like him in that sense so I feel bad disliking him. This must be what all the people I follow feel like.

I want to go tear at something. I want to fight back against someone who's sharing the same amount of distaste for things in general and not any one thing in peticular. I want a lot of things but most of all I think I want to make sense.

I find myself looking for people and then avoiding them once I do. Is that bad? I really can't say I care, as it were.

My hands are at the point where I can't feel them and it feels so good not to feel.

I feel competitive, which is interesting because I rarely attribute my feelings to something like that.

I feel agitated and anxious and antsy and a few other words that start with "a"

But not "apple".